jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Be still, my beating vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
