i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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