You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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