Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
