Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
