Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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