The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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