I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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