apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
