I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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