My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
whose ass print is on the piano?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
