So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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