Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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