LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
