I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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