It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
