So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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