i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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