I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
