I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
