you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
