Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
