When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
