...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
