The brown eye won't let me do that either.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
