we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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