People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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