SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
