i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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