i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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