absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
