Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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