if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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