Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
