Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
