So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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