I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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