It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
