did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
