Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
