Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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