I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
