I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
