Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
