please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
