he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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