How'd it feel making her break her religion?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
