At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
