Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
