This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
