I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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