I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
