White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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