If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You took a bar mat shot.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.