why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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