My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy