i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house