"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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