life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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