Even the bartender felt bad for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
