you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
