I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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