I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
