Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
