dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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