So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
