I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
