I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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