I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
