the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
