yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
