So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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