Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
