You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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