I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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