I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
