I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Congratulations! We have a period
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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