I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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