...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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