just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
