Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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