Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
