Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
