maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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